20 Meaningful Ways to Remember Loved Ones During the Holidays With Your Children
The best ways to remember a loved one with your kids at the holidays are small and hands-on: coloring a picture for Grandma's spot at the table, baking her cookies, lighting a candle or sharing one story at dinner. Match the idea to your child's age, keep it short for little ones, and pick something you can do again next year.
"Does Grandpa still get a stocking?" Your five-year-old asks it while you're digging through the box, holding up the one with his name stitched across the cuff, and waits to see what you'll do.
There isn't a perfect answer. But there's a good one, and it usually involves doing something together instead of explaining. Remembering loved ones during holidays with your kids won't fill the empty spaces, like the chair at Thanksgiving or the gift tag you almost wrote out of habit. It can turn some of them into moments the whole family shares, where everybody gets to miss the same person out loud.
Almost any winter holiday works for this, Thanksgiving, Christmas, Hanukkah, Kwanzaa or New Year's, and almost any loved one: a grandparent, a parent, an aunt, a sibling, even the family dog. Some of the longest-lasting traditions families start after a loss began with a kid asking a question exactly like the stocking one.
Remembering loved ones during the holidays tells kids they're allowed to miss them
Kids grieve even when they seem fine, even when they're laughing at the dinner table ten minutes after sobbing in the back seat. According to the National Alliance for Children's Grief, 1 in 11 children in the US will experience the death of a parent or sibling by age 18, and many more lose a grandparent.
Saying the person's name helps. So do sharing memories, keeping photos where kids can see them and holding onto family traditions; the Child Mind Institute notes that all of these help children see remembrance as part of healing. Sesame Workshop likewise encourages families to celebrate a loved one's life and keep their memory alive through simple things like memory boxes and art.
A holiday ritual gives all that remembering a shape. Without a single speech, it lets your child know this person still gets talked about in your house.
A four-year-old and a fourteen-year-old need different things
The American Academy of Pediatrics explains that preschoolers often think death is temporary, that most children understand it's permanent by around ages 5 to 7, and that teens may hide their feelings or pull away. So the preschooler might ask when Grandma is coming back for the third time this week, while the teenager says nothing and stays in their room with the door shut.
Little ones also tend to grieve in short, intense bursts. The Child Mind Institute adds that young children may go from crying to playing in a moment, which is normal and doesn't mean they've stopped caring.
For the youngest, keep activities short. Give older kids real choices. With all of them, use simple, honest words: "Grandpa died," not "Grandpa is sleeping." The age groups below are a loose guide, and plenty of these ideas work for everybody.
Ideas 1 to 6, for toddlers and preschoolers
- Color a picture for their spot at the table. Let your child color something to set where the person used to sit, so the chair holds a crayon drawing instead of nothing. Our free printable coloring pages work well here, and Sesame Workshop notes that open-ended art and coloring can help families relax and connect.
- Read a story together. A picture book on your lap can open a conversation you'd never manage across a table. In Rally Takes the Train, a corgi rides a train to visit his grand-paw-rents, goes through a dark, scary tunnel and comes out into a big bright light by the ocean. It isn't a grief book, but that tunnel gives you an easy way to ask, "Is anything feeling dark or scary for you right now?" There are more picture books about grandparents to browse, too.
- Bake their favorite cookie. Little hands can stir and pour and lean their whole weight on the cookie cutter while you tell them who used to make these. Flour on the floor is part of it. The Dougy Center lists cooking a loved one's favorite food as one way to honor the person who died at the holidays.
- Make a photo ornament. Glue a small photo into a paper or clear plastic ornament and let your child pick where it hangs. It will probably end up front and center, at exactly toddler height.
- Sing their favorite song. Play it in the kitchen and say, "This was Grandma's favorite." That's the whole activity.
- Light a candle together. With an adult holding the lighter, your child says the person's name as the candle is lit. For the littlest ones a battery candle is fine, and they'll love being the one who flips the switch.
Ideas 7 to 13, for school-age kids
- Start a memory jar. All season, anyone can drop in a slip of paper with a memory on it, and on the holiday you read them together. The Dougy Center suggests a similar memory box or paper chain of written memories. If your child likes the idea of something more permanent, we wrote about making a memory box with your child.
- Write a letter to the person. Kids can tell them about their year, the new teacher, the tooth that finally came out. They can keep it, read it out loud or tuck it into a holiday box.
- Make a holiday card for them. Signed by the whole family, it can stand on the mantel next to the cards from everyone else.
- Interview a relative. Give your child three questions for an aunt or grandparent: What was she like as a kid? What was her favorite holiday food? What made her laugh? Kids get answers adults never thought to ask for.
- Make a placemat with their name. Decorate a paper placemat with the person's name and a few of their favorite things, then put it at their place at the table.
- Look through photo albums. Spend an evening on the couch with the old pictures, the ones with the bad haircuts and the wood-paneled basements. Let your child choose a few to put out for the season.
- Donate a toy in their name. Your child picks a toy the person would have loved to give, and you drop it off at a toy drive together.
Ideas 14 to 20, for tweens, teens and the whole family
- Cook their signature dish together. Teens can own one recipe, from the grocery list to the serving spoon. For more on carrying recipes forward, read about honoring deceased parents at Thanksgiving.
- Visit the grave or a favorite place. Explain ahead of time what they'll see, and let them choose whether to come. The choosing matters.
- Make a playlist. Teens often prefer private ways to remember. Their person's favorite songs, plus a few that remind your teen of them, can play in the car or stay in their earbuds where nobody has to talk about it.
- Add a page to a memory book each year. One page per holiday, with a photo, a memory and one new thing your family did. A few years in, it becomes its own small family history. There's a full walkthrough on making a family memory book with your kids.
- Watch their favorite holiday movie. Same movie every year, with their favorite snack in the bowl, even the one nobody else would touch.
- Share one memory at dinner. Go around the table and invite (not require) each person to share a favorite moment or something the person always used to say.
- Plant something in their name. A bulb, a small tree or a pot of rosemary on the windowsill gives kids something that grows and stays, and you can check on it together every year.
Missing someone they never got to meet
Some children are asked to miss a person they never knew, a grandparent who died before they were born or when they were too small to remember. It's a strange kind of loss, for them and for you, because you're the one holding all the memories and they're the one with none. Kids can still build what some families call "borrowed memories," through stories, photos, recipes and voice recordings.
Kelsey Lizee Cecil wrote Rally Takes the Train in memory of her mom, and her children never met their grandmother. In families like that, the days built around grandparents can sting in a quiet, specific way, like the week a school project asks every kid to make something for Grandma.
If that's your family, the ideas above give that art somewhere to go: the table, the tree, a page in the memory book. For more on this, read about including a deceased grandparent in your child's Christmas traditions.
If your child would rather sit this one out
Invite, don't require. A child who skips it one year may join in the next, once it feels safe. The Dougy Center suggests asking children directly what they want to do, and accepting that family members may want different things.
Offer quieter options, like hanging an ornament alone after everyone's gone to bed, or listening to a song in their room. Some kids need to watch a ritual once before they try it. Try not to read too much into play, either, because a kid racing around the living room in new pajamas doesn't love or miss the person any less. If they get upset partway through, pause, comfort them and come back to it later. Tears don't mean the activity failed.
Some children struggle more than others. The National Child Traumatic Stress Network notes that when a child's grief reactions are severe or prolonged and interfere with functioning, especially after a sudden death, professional support can help. Talk with your pediatrician or a child grief specialist if you're worried. If you or your child is ever in crisis, call or text 988 in the US.
If this is your child's first holiday season after a loss, start with helping kids cope with their first Christmas after a death.
The ornament, the cookie, the story
None of this has to be big. The power is in doing it again. The same ornament, the same cookie, the same story told every year slowly turns into part of who your family is.
Pick two or three and repeat them each holiday. Add to the memory jar or the memory book on birthdays and anniversaries too, and keep a few photos of the person where your kids can see them all year, at their eye level and not just up on the top shelf. If you want more to choose from, there are new Christmas traditions to start after a loss that the whole family can share.
Some December, a few years from now, your kid will pull that ornament out of the box before you get to it, and tell their little cousin whose it was.
Questions people ask
At what age can kids take part in remembering someone during the holidays?
Even toddlers can take part through simple, sensory activities like coloring a picture, stirring cookie dough, or helping light a battery candle. Older children can write letters or interview relatives, and teens may prefer private options like a playlist. The key is adapting the activity to your child's age and attention span, and keeping explanations short, simple, and honest.
How do I help my child remember a grandparent they were too young to remember?
Help them build borrowed memories. Share stories, look at photos together, cook the grandparent's recipes, and play any voice or video recordings you have. Repeat the same rituals each holiday so the grandparent becomes a familiar part of your child's world. Over time, children often hold these stories as their own, even without firsthand memories of the person.
What if my child seems happy at the holidays and doesn't seem to miss anyone?
That is very common. The Child Mind Institute notes that young children often grieve in brief bursts and can go from crying one moment to playing the next. Happiness at the holidays doesn't mean your child didn't love the person. Keep the door open by saying the person's name, and be ready if feelings surface later.
Should kids visit the cemetery during the holidays?
They can, if they're prepared and willing. Explain beforehand what they'll see, such as the headstone, flowers, and other visitors, and what you'll do there. Let them choose whether to come, and offer a simple task like placing a wreath or a drawing. If they'd rather stay home, that's fine, and they can try another year.
What do I say if my child asks why Grandpa can't come for Christmas?
Use simple, honest words: "Grandpa died. His body stopped working, and he can't come back. We miss him, and we can still remember him today." The American Academy of Pediatrics advises avoiding euphemisms like "sleeping" or "went away," which can confuse or frighten young children. Expect repeated questions, and answer each one patiently.
How do I remember a loved one with my kids without scaring them?
Focus on love, stories, and favorite things rather than on the death itself. Keep your tone calm, choose cheerful, hands-on activities like baking or making ornaments, and let kids ask questions at their own pace. Children take their cues from you, so a warm, matter-of-fact approach helps remembrance feel safe instead of frightening.
Is it okay to cry in front of my kids during a holiday remembrance?
Yes. The American Academy of Pediatrics notes that seeing adults cry can help children understand that tears are a healthy release. Explain simply that you are crying because you miss Grandma, and that you will be okay. The Child Mind Institute suggests avoiding your most distressed moments in front of children, but everyday sadness shown honestly helps them feel safe with their own.
What holiday crafts help children remember someone who died?
Photo ornaments, holiday cards, decorated placemats, memory jars, and coloring pages are all simple, tactile, and easy to repeat each year. Sesame Workshop suggests memory boxes and art as ways for families to remember a loved one. Choose crafts your child can mostly do on their own, and display the finished work somewhere visible during the season.
How do teenagers want to remember loved ones during the holidays?
Often privately, and on their own terms. Offer choices like making a playlist, creating a photo collage, cooking the person's signature dish, or writing a letter they don't have to share. Respect a teen's need for space, and don't take a no personally. Many teens appreciate being asked to help plan a family ritual instead.
What if my child gets upset during a holiday remembrance activity?
Pause, comfort them, and name what they're feeling: "You're sad because you miss Grandpa. That makes sense." Strong feelings are not a sign the activity failed. You can stop, take a break, and come back to it later or another day. Let your child decide whether to continue, and stay close while they settle.
Can remembering someone at the holidays help children grieve?
It can. Remembrance rituals give children structure, connection, and a safe place to express feelings. The Child Mind Institute notes that sharing memories, saying the person's name, and keeping traditions all help children see remembrance as part of healing. Rituals aren't a cure for grief, but they can help children feel less alone with it.
How do we include a pet that died in our holiday remembrance?
Pets count, and children often grieve them deeply. Make a paw-print or photo ornament, hang the pet's collar on the tree, or donate treats or toys to an animal shelter in the pet's name. Let your child share a favorite memory of the pet at dinner, just as you would for a person.
What if my partner thinks remembrance activities are too much for our kids?
Talk it through privately and listen to their concerns. Suggest starting with one small, gentle activity, like hanging a photo ornament, and watching how the children respond. Follow your kids' lead on how much they want. Most families find that simple, upbeat remembrance feels natural to children, and you can adjust together from there.
How do I keep my kids' memories of a loved one from fading?
Repeat the same activities every year and keep adding to them. A family memory book with one new page each holiday, a memory jar that grows, and photos kept visible all year help memories stay fresh. Retelling the same favorite stories matters too, because familiar stories become the memories children carry into adulthood.
Should I make my kids join a family remembrance tradition?
Invite rather than require. Children who opt out one year often join later, once the ritual feels familiar and safe. Offer a smaller role, like choosing the song or lighting the candle, or let them watch from nearby. Forcing participation can make remembrance feel like a chore, while a gentle invitation keeps the door open.
What books help kids remember someone during the holidays?
Picture books about love, family, and missing someone can open gentle conversations. Some are written directly about loss, while others, like stories about visiting grandparents, simply give you a starting point to talk. Read together, pause on pages that spark feelings, and ask open questions like "Who does this remind you of?"
How do we remember a loved one during Hanukkah, Kwanzaa or other holidays with kids?
Adapt these ideas to your own traditions. Candle-lighting holidays offer natural moments to say a loved one's name as each light is kindled. You can cook their favorite holiday dish, share a story during the meal, or give in their honor. Your faith community or cultural traditions may also have meaningful remembrance practices to draw on.
Is it petty that I feel jealous of families who still have grandparents at holiday events?
Not at all. That ache is very common for parents raising children without their own parents, and it often peaks at the holidays when other families gather. Jealousy is a sign of what you've lost, not a flaw. Let yourself feel it, talk with someone who understands, and give yourself extra care during the season.
How do I talk about a loved one who died in hard circumstances during the holidays with kids?
Keep details simple and age-appropriate, and focus on who the person was rather than how they died. Children may need repeated, honest conversations over time. The National Child Traumatic Stress Network notes that some children struggle more after a sudden or traumatic death, so consider a child grief professional if your child's reactions are severe or lasting.
How do remembrance activities work in blended families with different losses?
Include everyone's loved ones by name so each child's grief is seen. A single memory jar, ornament, or candle ritual can hold several names, or each child can make something for their own person. Talk with all the adults involved beforehand, and make it clear that no loss is more important than another.
If today feels like too much
You can call or text 988 (the Suicide and Crisis Lifeline, US) any time, day or night. More places to turn, including grief groups and therapists: grief support and crisis resources.
Something gentle for the kidsRally Takes the Train is a hand-painted picture book about a corgi, a dark tunnel, and the people waiting at the end of the line.
Why it was writtenSources
- Home Page, National Alliance for Children's Grief
- Helping Children Cope With Grief, Child Mind Institute
- Grief, Sesame Workshop
- How Children Understand Death and What You Should Say, HealthyChildren.org (American Academy of Pediatrics)
- Holiday Tip Sheet and Worksheet, Dougy Center
- Traumatic Grief and Separation, National Child Traumatic Stress Network
Written by the Rally Takes the Train team for Finding the Light After Loss, a library for adults grieving a mom or dad. General information, not medical or mental health advice. How we write about grief.