How to Make a Family Memory Book With Your Kids After Someone Dies
A family memory book for kids is a simple book of photos, stories and pages your child helps make about the person who died, so they have something they can hold, read and add to as they grow. Start with a few pages, not a finished masterpiece. Let your child choose what goes in, ask relatives for stories, and keep it on a shelf where little hands can reach it.
Somewhere in your house there's a shoebox. Maybe it holds drugstore photo envelopes with the negatives still tucked in the back flap, a few birthday cards in her loopy cursive, the program from a retirement party. Or it's your phone, with eleven years of pictures and no idea where to start.
A family memory book for kids takes the person you lost out of those boxes and camera rolls and puts them somewhere a child can actually hold: a book with photos, stories and pages your child helped make, kept on the same shelf as the dinosaur books.
It works whether the person was a grandparent, a parent or someone else your child loved. Relatives usually have more stories than they offer up unprompted, and a book gives them a reason to tell them, which turns it into a family project and not only a way of helping children with grief.
What a family memory book for kids does
Young children remember people through the details that get repeated to them. The Dougy Center, a national center for grieving children and families, notes in its guide to supporting grieving preschoolers that sharing photos, stories and details about who the person was helps young children remember. A memory book is basically all three, bound together, in a form a kid can carry to you and say "read this one."
It also gives a child something to do with a feeling that otherwise has nowhere to go. Picking the photo of Grandpa in the ridiculous fishing hat, or drawing the dog he had before they were born, is a way of loving someone who isn't here. Sesame Workshop's grief resources for families encourage finding ways to keep a person's memory alive, and this is one of the most portable.
Memory book or memory box?
A memory box holds things: the reading glasses, the bandana, the shell from that one beach trip. Sesame Workshop describes how a box of mementos can comfort kids as they remember someone who died. A memory book holds the story: who this person was, what they loved, what they'd say, and how your child fits into it.
Kids who are very hands-on and young often take to a box first, since touching and sorting is how they explore. Kids who love being read to, or who keep asking "tell me about Grandma," tend to love a book. Plenty of families end up with both. If a box sounds like the better start, we wrote about creating a memory box with your child.
Choosing a format you'll actually finish
The best format is the one that gets done. A three-ring binder with plastic page protectors is cheap, sturdy and easy to add to, and nobody cries if a toddler spills juice on it. A scrapbook invites glue sticks and stickers and mess, which is great for making together. A printed photo book from an online service lasts and looks lovely, though it's harder to add to later. A digital book or slideshow costs nothing and can be shared with cousins in other states.
Many families do two: a durable printed copy that stays on a high shelf, and a messy kid version in a binder that gets read until the corners curl. Before anything irreplaceable goes in, scan or photograph it. Handwriting especially. A copy of Grandma's recipe card, with the butter stain and her note that says "MORE vanilla," can go in the book, while the real card stays safe in a drawer.
Page ideas for toddlers, preschoolers and early readers
Let your child have real say in what goes in. The Dougy Center's advice on how to help a grieving child is to give children choices whenever possible and to ask which keepsakes matter to them rather than guessing. You might be surprised which photo they pick. (It's often the blurry one with the dog.)
Some page prompts to borrow:
- This is Grandpa. One big, clear photo and his name, the one your child called him.
- Things Grandma loved. Her favorite food, color, song, flower or TV show, with pictures cut from magazines if you don't have photos.
- Things you love too. Matches between your child and the person: both love pickles, both hum when they draw.
- What Grandpa always said. His sayings, in big letters.
- Grandma's kitchen. A recipe, plus a photo of your child making it.
- Places we would have gone together. The zoo, the beach, a train ride. Kids can color one of our free Rally coloring pages and glue it in.
- The day you met. If they did meet, a photo of the two of them and the story of that day.
- "I miss you." A page for a drawing, a dictated note or a handprint. Sadness belongs in the book too.
Toddlers can press handprints, choose stickers and point to photos for you to glue. Preschoolers can draw and dictate captions ("Grandpa had a red truck and it was LOUD"). Early readers can write their own captions, wobbly spelling included, and should probably be allowed to keep the wobbly spelling.
Gathering stories from relatives who knew them
You knew one version of this person. Their sister, their best friend from high school, their old coworkers each knew another. Send a short, specific request with a soft deadline, and make it easy to say yes. A message like this works:
- "We're making a memory book about Dad for the kids. Would you send one story, by Sunday the 15th?"
- "Any of these is perfect: a funny story, something he always said, a food he loved, something he taught you, or what you'd want the kids to know about him."
- "A voice memo is great if writing isn't your thing. Photos too, if you have any."
The voice memo option matters more than you'd think. Lots of relatives who would never write a paragraph will happily talk for four minutes from their car. You can type up the best parts later, or turn them into a QR code on the page.
A memory book for kids who never met them
When the person died before your child was born, the book does even more of the work. It might be the main way your child gets to know them. Relatives' stories and old photos carry most of the pages, and the "things they loved that you love too" page becomes the heart of the whole thing, because it tells your child that a piece of this person lives in them.
If you have almost no photos, the book still works. Take pictures now of places they lived or loved, their handwriting, their favorite mug or a dish they used to make. Ask your child to draw what they imagine Grandma's garden looked like based on your description. We wrote more about this in keeping a grandparent's memory alive for young children and talking to kids about the grandparents they'll never meet.
Reading it together, and keeping it alive
The book does its best work after it's made. Keep it somewhere ordinary and reachable, with the other bedtime books, so your child can grab it when they want, without it feeling like a ceremony. The Dougy Center's tips for supporting grieving children suggest saying the person's name, sharing memories and marking important dates together, and the book makes all three easy. Pull it out on their birthday, on the anniversary, or just on a rainy Tuesday when your kid asks.
The Child Mind Institute notes in its guide to helping children cope with grief that keeping photos where kids can see them and holding onto family traditions help children see remembrance as part of healing. A book read at every birthday is a small tradition that can last for years.
Leave room to grow. Add pages when a new story turns up at Thanksgiving, when your child loses the tooth Grandpa would have paid a whole dollar for, or when they're old enough to write a letter of their own. Years later, a few blank pages at the back will matter.
When making the book brings up big feelings
Expect at least one session to go sideways. Your child might get silly, or bored, or suddenly sob over a photo they've seen a hundred times. The Dougy Center notes that children grieve in cycles and need breaks from grief, so stop, close the book and go outside. It'll be there next week. For other ideas that don't involve sitting at a table, try our list of grief activities for kids, and if your child seems to swing from sad to giddy, read about mixed feelings after a loss.
You might be the one who has to stop. Finding her handwriting on the back of a photo can flatten you for an afternoon, and that's allowed. The Hospice Foundation of America's advice on helping children cope with loss is to model grief for your children by telling them what the loss meant to you and how you're coping, which teaches them it's safe to share their own tears and laughter. If you can't finish, a partner or a friend can assemble pages from your notes.
Most kids enjoy making a memory book, even with a few tears along the way. The American Academy of Pediatrics' guide to what's normal in childhood grief and when to worry suggests watching for major, lasting changes in how your child handles everyday life. If you see them, or your child talks about wanting to die or to be with the person who died, contact your pediatrician or a child grief specialist. Our grief resources page lists places to turn, and in a crisis, call or text 988 any time in the US.
Maybe the last page is blank for now, except for a sticky note in your handwriting that says "for later," and a small handprint in green paint that didn't quite dry before somebody closed the book.
Questions people ask
What do you put in a memory book for a child after someone dies?
Include photos, the person's favorite things, stories from family, copies of their handwriting, places they loved and pages your child draws or dictates. A page about missing them belongs too. Keep it simple and concrete so a young child can follow it. The book can start small, with just a few pages, and grow as you gather more stories over time.
How do I make a memory book about a grandparent my child never met?
Lean on relatives' stories and photos, and focus on connection. Pages like "things Grandma loved that you love too" help a child feel linked to someone they never met. Add favorite foods, sayings, places and what she would have thought of your child. Photos of her home, garden or recipes taken now can fill in where old pictures are missing.
What age is right to start a memory book with a child?
Any age can work. Toddlers can add stickers, handprints and point to photos for you to glue. Preschoolers can draw pictures and dictate captions. Early readers can write their own captions and even interview relatives. Start when it feels manageable for you, and let your child's interest set the pace rather than an age rule.
Should I make the memory book myself or with my kids?
Both approaches work. Many parents make a base book themselves with photos and stories, then leave pages open for kids to draw, write and add stickers. That way the book is sturdy and complete enough to read, but still shared. Making it together also gives children a say in what matters to them, which can be comforting.
Is a printed photo book or a handmade scrapbook better for kids?
Each has strengths. Printed photo books are durable and look polished, while handmade scrapbooks invite kids to glue, draw and get messy. Many families make both: a printed copy that stays safe and a messy kid version in a binder that gets read often. Choose whatever format you'll actually finish.
How do I ask relatives to share memories for a family memory book?
Send a short, specific request with a few prompts and a soft deadline. Ask for one story rather than "anything you remember," which can feel overwhelming. Offer a voice memo option for relatives who don't like writing, and ask for photos too. Thank them, and consider sharing the finished book so they can enjoy it.
What questions should I ask family members for a memory book?
Ask for a funny story, a favorite saying, a signature food or recipe, something the person taught them and what they would want your child to know. Specific questions get better answers than general ones. You might also ask what the person was like as a kid, which children often find fascinating.
How can a toddler help make a memory book?
Toddlers can choose stickers, press handprints, pick photos and name colors the person loved. Keep sessions short, maybe ten or fifteen minutes, and stop while it's still fun. Let your toddler point and you do the gluing. Their contribution matters more than how neat the page looks.
Should I include photos from the hospital or the funeral?
It depends on your child. Many families leave hospital or funeral photos out of the main book, since a young child may find them confusing or upsetting. You can keep them separately and add them later if your child asks. Focus the book on who the person was in life.
How do I make a memory book when I have almost no photos?
Use what you do have: drawings, recipes, stories, places, and objects you photograph now. Relatives may have photos you've never seen, so ask. Your child can draw pictures based on your descriptions, and pages built from words and drawings can be just as meaningful as photos. Magazine cutouts of favorite things work too.
Is it okay if I get too emotional to finish the memory book?
Completely okay. Making a memory book can bring up a lot of grief. Pause whenever you need to, work in short sessions, or ask a partner or friend to help assemble pages. There's no deadline. It's fine for your child to see you sad, too, as long as you let them know you're okay.
Can I use a grandparent's handwriting in a memory book?
Yes, and handwriting can be one of the most meaningful parts. Scan or photograph cards, notes and recipe cards so the originals stay safe, then use copies in the book. Children often love seeing the way a grandparent wrote their name or signed a birthday card.
Should a family memory book only include happy memories?
Mostly warm, but honest. Include a page about missing the person, so children learn that sadness belongs in the story too. You don't need to include painful details, but a book that's only cheerful can feel incomplete to grieving kids. Let your child add their own feelings.
How do I make a memory book for more than one child without fights?
Make one shared family book, plus a personal page or small copy for each child. Printing duplicates of a photo book is an easy way to give everyone their own. Let each child pick a few photos or make their own pages, so nobody feels left out of the project.
How do I protect a memory book from little hands?
Use plastic page protectors in a binder, or make a printed copy for everyday reading and keep the original somewhere safe. Scan any handwriting or irreplaceable photos before they go in. Expect a well-loved kids' copy to get worn; that's a sign it's being used.
Can a memory book help a child whose parent died?
Yes, a memory book can help a child whose parent died hold onto who that parent was. Make it about the parent's life, personality and love for the child. Pair it with grief support, such as a children's grief group or a child grief specialist, especially after the death of a parent.
How often should we read the memory book together?
Whenever your child asks, plus meaningful days like birthdays and anniversaries. Keep it on a regular bookshelf so it feels like a normal book rather than a ritual. Some weeks your child may want it every night, and some months not at all. Both are fine.
Is it okay to add to the memory book years later?
Yes. A memory book can grow with your child. Add pages when relatives share new stories, when your child reaches a milestone the person would have loved, or when your child is old enough to write their own letter. Leaving blank pages at the back makes adding easier.
What should I write in a memory book in my own words?
Write a short letter to your child about the person: what they were like, something funny they did, and why they would have loved your child. Keep the language simple enough to read aloud. Sign and date it. Your child may treasure your handwriting someday too.
Are there free memory book templates for grieving kids?
Yes. Several children's grief organizations offer free activity sheets and tip sheets on their websites, and you can find printable pages for drawing and writing about someone who died. Our free coloring pages can also become illustrated pages kids add themselves. A plain binder with blank pages works perfectly well too.
If today feels like too much
You can call or text 988 (the Suicide and Crisis Lifeline, US) any time, day or night. More places to turn, including grief groups and therapists: grief support and crisis resources.
Something gentle for the kidsRally Takes the Train is a hand-painted picture book about a corgi, a dark tunnel, and the people waiting at the end of the line.
Why it was writtenSources
- Supporting Grieving Preschoolers, Dougy Center
- Grief, Sesame Workshop
- How to Help a Child Who Is Grieving, Dougy Center
- Tips for Supporting Grieving Children, The Dougy Center
- Helping Children Cope With Grief, Child Mind Institute
- Helping Children Cope with Loss, Hospice Foundation of America
- Grief and Loss in Childhood: How to Help Your Child Cope, HealthyChildren.org (American Academy of Pediatrics)
Written by the Rally Takes the Train team for Finding the Light After Loss, a library for adults grieving a mom or dad. General information, not medical or mental health advice. How we write about grief.