How to Include a Deceased Grandparent in Your Child's Christmas Traditions
The easiest way to keep a grandparent who died part of your child's Christmas is to give your kid something to do with them: hang their ornament, stir their cookie dough, hear one short story about them by the tree. Kids connect through their hands, so small and repeatable works better than big and solemn, even for a grandparent they never got to meet.
There's an ornament on your tree that only you can explain. A felt mouse missing one eye, maybe, that your dad hung on the same low branch every year of your childhood. Your four-year-old just thinks it's a mouse.
Closing that gap is most of what remembering deceased grandparents at Christmas comes down to. Some kids lost a grandparent they adored, the one who kept butterscotch candies in every coat pocket. Others never met them at all, and "Grandma" is a face in a frame on the bookshelf. Either way, December is full of smells and songs and objects with history, which makes it an easy month to bring Grandma or Grandpa back into the room.
Kids remember people through their hands far more than through solemn talks, whether the grandparent was a daily presence or a name in a frame. That's good news for anyone raising kids without their own parents, since most of what works in December fits between dinner and bath time (and can be quietly retired the year it stops working).
Remembering deceased grandparents at Christmas starts with doing something
Child grief organizations say the same thing over and over: keep talking about the person. The Dougy Center's tips for supporting grieving children suggest saying the person's name, sharing memories, and marking important dates together.
Researchers have a name for this: continuing bonds. A lot of people grieve not by letting go but by keeping up a relationship with the person who died, through rituals and stories, as What's Your Grief explains, and children who keep connections with someone who died are one of the examples the research describes.
With kids, though, connection runs through their hands. A five-year-old won't sit still for a long memory about Grandpa's first job at the lumberyard. Hand that same kid an ornament to hang, a spoon to lick, or the very important job of picking the next song, and they're in, and somewhere in the middle of it you get to say his name.
If your kids are still asking why Grandma or Grandpa isn't here this year, start with explaining death to children at Christmas and come back to this list later.
Ornaments and decorations that tell their story
1. A photo ornament
Let your child pick the photo, even if they choose the blurry one where Grandpa's eyes are half closed. Hang it at kid height so they can find it without asking, touch it, and show it off to whoever comes over.
2. A handwriting ornament
A grandparent's handwriting does something a photo can't. Copy their signature, or the "Love, Nana" from an old birthday card, onto a clear ornament or a ceramic disk. Use a copy, not the original, so the real card stays safe in a drawer.
3. A yearly ornament your child decorates
Each December, your child decorates a new plain ornament for their grandparent. Line them up after a few years and you can watch the scribbles turn into careful lettering, your kid growing up right alongside the memory.
4. A stocking for the grandparent
Some families hang a stocking for Grandpa and fill it through December with notes and memories. The Dougy Center's holiday tip sheet suggests a similar idea: a wrapped box with an opening where family can drop in written memories to read together later.
5. Their decoration, in a place of honor
If something came home with you from their house (the chipped nativity camel, the light-up snowman with the flickering bulb), let your child decide where it goes this year. Kids take that job very seriously. The National Alliance for Children's Grief holiday toolkit suggests including a loved one's portrait or belongings in holiday decorations.
Baking their recipes, flour everywhere
6. Bake their signature treat
Pick something simple and hand over the safe jobs, like pouring and stirring and far too many sprinkles. While the kitchen fills up with that smell, tell one short story about the grandparent and this food. One is plenty.
7. A recipe card keepsake
Have a handwritten recipe card printed onto a tea towel, an apron or a mug. The grease spot and the crossed-out "1 cup" come along too, and your kids will grow up knowing exactly whose handwriting that is.
8. Their dish on the Christmas table
Serve one dish they loved and let your child make the announcement at dinner: "This was Grandpa's favorite." Kids love being the one who gets to say it. The adults at the table often need to hear it more than they'd admit.
Stories, photos and read-alouds by the tree
9. One story a night
All through December, share one short grandparent story at bedtime or by the tree. Specific beats sweeping. The time Grandma got the station wagon stuck in the church parking lot in the snow. How Grandpa burned the rolls every single year and acted shocked every single time.
10. A photo album look-through
Pull out old Christmas photos and let your child hunt for the grandparent, maybe in a truly terrible sweater, maybe holding you as a baby with a look of mild panic. The Dougy Center suggests giving children copies of photos so the originals stay safe.
11. Their favorite music or movie
Make a "Grandma's Christmas playlist," or put their favorite holiday movie on the same night every year. Say one sentence about why they loved it, then press play. You don't have to explain more than that.
12. A Christmas Eve read-aloud
A picture book about grandparents can open a gentle conversation. In Rally Takes the Train, Rally the corgi rides the train to visit his grand-paw-rents, which can lead to a simple talk about who would be waiting for your family, too. You'll find more titles in our list of books about visiting grandparents.
Giving something away in their name
13. A gift for someone else
The Dougy Center suggests buying a gift the person would have liked and donating it to a charity. Let your kids pick it (expect a debate in the toy aisle), then bring them along to drop it off. Missing someone turns into doing something, which kids understand faster than most grown-ups.
14. A cause they loved
The NACG toolkit suggests volunteering or donating in a loved one's name. Your child can choose the cause: a toy drive, an animal shelter, a food bank. If Grandpa always had a dog asleep at his feet, the shelter will probably win.
Letters, wishes and quiet moments
Kids make things for their grandparents constantly, at school and at the kitchen table. When a grandparent has died, that art can end up with nowhere to go. The Grandparents Day project comes home in the backpack and sits on the counter for a week, made for someone who isn't here.
These last few ideas give all that love a place to land.
15. A letter or drawing to Grandma or Grandpa
Invite your child to write or draw a Christmas card for their grandparent. The Dougy Center lists a letter or card among its ways to honor the person who died. Keep it in a memory box, hang it on the tree, or read it out loud.
16. A memory candle
The NACG toolkit describes memory candles decorated with photos or words. With young children, use a flameless candle. Keep the moment short: switch it on, and let each person share one memory or wish.
17. A photo in the family picture
Tuck a framed photo of the grandparent into your Christmas photo, or add a line about them to the holiday card. Kids usually want a say in which picture makes it in.
18. Memories from the whole family
At dinner, ask each relative for one short story about the grandparent. Or mail out index cards ahead of time, collect them in a keepsake box, and save it for your kids to open when they're older. Aunts and uncles tend to write down things they'd never say out loud at the table.
Looking for ideas past Christmas? We gathered 20 ways to remember loved ones during the holidays with children. And our free coloring pages are an easy thing to put in front of a kid by the tree while you talk.
What works at two, at seven and at thirteen
Any age can join in. What changes is how.
Toddlers and preschoolers do best with things that are physical and over quickly: hanging one ornament, pointing at a photo, stirring the dough until somebody needs a snack. That's plenty for them. The Dougy Center's guide for grieving preschoolers notes that sharing photos, stories and details about who the person was helps young children remember.
Early elementary kids love a job and a craft, so the yearly ornament, a drawn card, or picking the donation all fit well. Tweens and teens want ownership. Give them the playlist, ask them to interview relatives for stories on a phone call, or let them design the photo ornament, and then (this is the hard part) don't redo it.
Big rituals aren't required at any age. Sesame Workshop notes that even a small memory can help children remember loved ones, and that art like drawing and coloring can help them express feelings.
If a grandparent died before your child was born, introduce them through their things: a favorite treat, a song, an ornament with a story behind it. For more on those conversations, read talking to kids about a grandparent who died, or keeping a grandparent's memory alive for kids who never met them.
When a tradition stops working (and one probably will)
A ritual that felt just right one year can feel heavy the next. Sometimes your kids simply outgrow it, and the eight-year-old who loved the candle is now eleven and mortified by it.
The Dougy Center encourages families to accept limitations and to keep only the traditions that still feel meaningful. Its holiday worksheet even suggests a family check-in after the holidays to talk about what worked and what to change next year.
The signs are usually obvious once you look. Your child resists or gets upset every time. The ritual has turned into a chore nobody enjoys, including you. Or it no longer fits your child's age or interests. A kid who doesn't want to join can be offered a different way in, like watching, or helping with one small part, and interest often wanders back on its own. Letting a tradition rest for a year is fine too.
The NACG toolkit encourages families to give themselves permission to celebrate. Remembering a grandparent and loving Christmas aren't in competition. If you're carrying your own grief under all of this, read making Christmas magic after losing your mom.
Some year down the road, your kid will be the one holding the felt mouse with one eye, explaining to someone small whose it was. They'll probably get half the story wrong, and it will still be his.
Questions people ask
How can my kids include Grandma in Christmas if she died before they were born?
Introduce her through her things and her habits. Bake her favorite treat, play a song she loved, or hang an ornament and tell the story behind it. Children connect through doing, not only through remembering, so hands-on traditions help them feel they know her even though they never met.
What's a good Christmas ornament to remember a grandparent?
Photo ornaments, ornaments made from a copy of their handwriting, or a plain ornament your child decorates each year all work well. The best choice is one your child helps pick or make, because that involvement turns it into their own tradition. Hang it where your child can easily see it.
Should we hang a stocking for a grandparent who died?
Many families do, and fill it through December with notes, drawings, or written memories to read together on Christmas. It is a personal choice, and there is no wrong answer. Asking your kids how they feel about the idea helps, since some children find it comforting and others find it sad.
How do I make a grandparent's Christmas recipe with young kids?
Choose a simple recipe and give children safe, fun jobs like pouring, stirring, and decorating. While you bake, tell one short story about the grandparent and that food. Keep it relaxed and accept the mess. The goal is connection and a happy memory, not a perfect batch.
What are kid-friendly ways to give back in a grandparent's name at Christmas?
Let your kids choose a cause the grandparent cared about, such as a toy drive, an animal shelter, or a food bank. Children can pick out a donated gift, help pack a box, or drop off supplies. Giving in their name makes remembering active and shows kids that love can keep doing good.
Should we buy a gift for a grandparent who died?
Some families buy a gift the grandparent would have liked and donate it to charity in their name. Others choose a small keepsake for the family. Both are lovely, and so is skipping the idea entirely. Do what feels meaningful to your family this year, and revisit it next year.
How do I include a grandparent at Christmas without making my kids sad?
Keep the tone warm and light. Share their favorite jokes, foods, and music rather than focusing only on the loss. Kids take emotional cues from you, so a smile while you tell a story helps. Some sadness is okay too, and it is fine for children to feel it.
What do I say if my child doesn't want to do the remembering tradition?
Respect their choice without pressure. You might say that is okay and they can join later if they want. Offer a smaller way to take part, like watching or helping with one step. Children's interest often returns as they grow, and forcing a ritual can make it feel heavier.
Can we light a candle for a grandparent on Christmas Eve with little kids?
Yes, and a flameless candle is the safest choice around young children. Keep the moment short. Switch it on together, then let each person share one memory or wish. Some families decorate the candle with a photo or words first, which gives kids a hands-on role.
How can we include a grandparent's favorite Christmas music or movies?
Make a playlist of their favorite holiday songs to play while you decorate, or hold a yearly movie night with the film they loved. Start with a short introduction about why it mattered to them. Over time, kids may come to see it as their own favorite, too.
How do I include both of my parents at Christmas without it feeling like too much?
Choose one simple ritual for each parent, or one shared ritual for both, such as an ornament with both of their photos. Keeping remembrance small leaves plenty of room for celebration. You can also spread rituals across December so Christmas Day itself does not feel crowded with grief.
Should we visit a grandparent's grave at Christmas with kids?
If it feels right for your family, a short visit can be meaningful. Prepare children ahead of time for what they will see and how long you will stay. Let them bring something, like a drawing or a small decoration. If a child does not want to go, that is okay.
What age is right to start a remembrance tradition with kids?
Any age is a good age. Toddlers can join simple routines like hanging an ornament or looking at a photo, and the meaning deepens as they grow. Child grief organizations encourage sharing photos and stories with even very young children, because it helps them build a picture of who the person was.
How do I include a grandparent in Christmas photos or cards?
Add a framed photo of the grandparent to your family picture, include a favorite item of theirs in the shot, or write a short line about them in your holiday card. Let your kids help choose the photo or the wording, which turns it into their tradition too.
Is it weird to talk to Grandma out loud on Christmas with my kids?
Not at all. Speaking to someone who died is a common part of continuing bonds, the healthy, ongoing connection many people keep with loved ones. Kids often join in naturally, wishing Grandma a merry Christmas or telling her about a gift. Follow your child's lead and keep it warm.
How can extended family share grandparent memories with kids at Christmas?
Ask each relative to share one short story at dinner, or hand out cards ahead of time and collect written memories in a keepsake box. Recording a few stories on your phone works too. Kids especially love funny or surprising stories about the grandparent when they were young.
What Christmas books can help kids remember a grandparent?
Look for picture books about grandparents, love, and remembering. Reading together gives children a safe distance from big feelings and often prompts questions. A gentle, happy book about visiting grandparents, like Rally Takes the Train, can open a conversation about the grandparent your family is missing.
Can a grandparent's handwriting be used in Christmas crafts?
Yes, and it makes a deeply personal keepsake. Copy a recipe card, signature, or line from a letter onto an ornament, mug, or tea towel. Always work from a copy or scan and keep the original safe, since handwritten items can't be replaced if something spills.
How do I keep a remembrance tradition fun as kids grow older?
Let older kids take ownership. They might run the playlist, design the ornament, interview relatives for stories, or choose the charity. Adapt the format as interests change, and invite them to add their own memories. A tradition that grows with your child is more likely to last.
What if my partner's family doesn't want to include my parent at Christmas?
Keep a small tradition within your own household, such as an ornament or a favorite recipe, so your parent is still part of your kids' Christmas. Talk with your partner about how to honor both sides of the family, and look for simple gestures that feel comfortable for everyone.
If today feels like too much
You can call or text 988 (the Suicide and Crisis Lifeline, US) any time, day or night. More places to turn, including grief groups and therapists: grief support and crisis resources.
Something gentle for the kidsRally Takes the Train is a hand-painted picture book about a corgi, a dark tunnel, and the people waiting at the end of the line.
Why it was writtenSources
- Ten Tips for Supporting Children Who Are Grieving, Dougy Center
- Tips for Getting Through the Holidays, Dougy Center
- Supporting Grieving Preschoolers, Dougy Center
- Holiday Toolkit: Supporting Children During the Season of Family, National Alliance for Children's Grief
- Grief, Sesame Workshop
- Continuing Bonds: Shifting the Grief Paradigm, What's Your Grief
Written by the Rally Takes the Train team for Finding the Light After Loss, a library for adults grieving a mom or dad. General information, not medical or mental health advice. How we write about grief.