25 New Christmas Traditions to Start After Losing a Loved One
New Christmas traditions after loss give the season a shape again and give the person you miss a place in it, without pretending nothing changed. Pick one or two that fit the year you're actually having; the low-energy ones count just as much.
Doing Christmas exactly the old way makes the empty chair impossible to ignore. Skipping it entirely can feel like losing them a second time, in December, with carols playing over the speakers at the gas station.
A new tradition sits somewhere in between. It gives all that love a place to go.
The new Christmas traditions after loss that stick are usually small enough to repeat. A few take a Saturday. Most take ten minutes and a candle or a mug of something hot, and the real test is whether anyone wants to do it again the second December, which is where new family traditions actually take hold.
New Christmas traditions after loss give the grief somewhere to go
Starting something new is one of the few pieces of holiday grief advice that shows up almost everywhere. Mayo Clinic's guidance on coping with reminders after a loss suggests new traditions such as donating to a charity in your loved one's name, and What's Your Grief lists creating a new tradition in memory of your loved one among its 64 tips for grief at the holidays.
The connection you keep with someone after they die even has a name. Grief researchers call it continuing bonds, and a 2023 systematic review found those bonds can bring comfort and also distress. Which is a good reason to try a tradition gently, and to change it if it doesn't help.
Pick one. Maybe two.
Five new traditions in one year is a recipe for doing none of them. Start with one, maybe two, and be honest about how much energy you actually have. In a first year, the answer is often "almost none," and a tradition that takes four minutes still counts. Think about who will be there with you (kids, a partner, a sibling, or just you), and whether you want this to be about the person or simply about getting Christmas back. Either is allowed. The best test is whether it would still feel right next year, because the traditions that last are small enough to repeat.
The Dougy Center's holiday tip sheet for grieving families encourages families to plan ahead, talk about what each person hopes for, and decide together which traditions to keep, adjust or create. If you're weighing the old against the new, read recreating your parents' Christmas traditions for the other side of that choice.
Quiet ones for when you're running on empty (1 to 6)
- A memory ornament. Each year, add one ornament that stands for them: a photo ornament, one printed with their handwriting, or something tied to a hobby they loved, like a tiny fishing pole or a little paperback. Over time your tree turns into a quiet record of who they were.
- A candle lit at dinner. Light it when the meal begins and let it burn until the plates are cleared. No speech required. What's Your Grief suggests lighting a candle at home in memory of the person you've lost.
- A Christmas Eve letter. Write to them every Christmas Eve: what happened this year, what you miss, what would have made them laugh. Keep the letters together in one envelope, and one day you'll have a stack of years.
- A visit to a place they loved. A beach, a park bench, the diner where they ordered the same patty melt for thirty years, the cemetery. Go at the same time each year, even if it's only for ten minutes.
- A Blue Christmas or Longest Night service. Plenty of churches hold these gentle services for people who are grieving, and it can be a relief to sit in a room where nobody expects you to be merry. The United Methodist Church explains that many Blue Christmas services are held around the winter solstice, often with candles and quiet music. We also put together where to find holiday grief support this season.
- Their favorite holiday movie. Watch it on the same night every year, with the snack they always insisted on. It takes almost no effort, and hearing the lines they used to say along with the TV is weirdly steadying.
Traditions to start with your kids (7 to 13)
Kids usually do best with traditions that are short, hands-on and repeated every year. Sticky fingers and glitter in the rug for months are part of the deal. For ideas across every holiday, see ways to remember loved ones with your children.
- An ornament with the person's name. Salt dough, clay or a paper star with the name written on it. Date it on the back, and a few years from now you'll watch your kids' handwriting grow up right there on the tree.
- A memory jar. All through December, family members write short memories or funny stories on slips of paper and drop them in a jar. Read them together on Christmas Eve. The Dougy Center suggests a similar idea, a paper chain of shared memories.
- The same picture book every Christmas Eve. Choose one book and make it the last thing before bed. In Rally Takes the Train, a corgi rides through a dark tunnel, feels scared, and then sees a big bright light and comes out by the ocean, which some families use as a gentle way to talk about hope.
- Coloring pages on the tree. Print a few free coloring pages, let kids color while the cookies bake, then punch a hole and hang their work as ornaments. It's a lovely kind of mess.
- A hot cocoa toast. Everyone raises a mug and says one thing they remember, or one thing they wish the person could see this year. Little ones can just say the name, and that counts.
- Their favorite treat, baked together. Use their recipe if you have it. While it's in the oven, tell one story about them.
- The "what would Grandma say" game. At dinner or in the car, take turns guessing what the person would say about the tree, the food or the ugliest sweater in the room. It tends to end in laughing instead of crying.
At the table (14 to 18)
- One of their signature dishes. Just one. Put a small card next to it with their name, so nobody has to wonder whose it is.
- A place setting or chair with a photo. What's Your Grief suggests leaving an empty seat at the table in memory of your loved one. Check with family first, because some people find it comforting and others find it painful.
- A dinner toast. Keep it under a minute: say their name, share one memory, raise a glass. We wrote about honoring your mom or dad at Christmas without making the day heavy if you want more on keeping remembrance short and warm.
- A brand new recipe that's just yours. Not everything has to point backward. Pick a dish that has nothing to do with the past and make it every year until it becomes "the thing we always have."
- Breakfast somewhere they loved. A bakery, or the coffee shop where they knew the barista by name. Make it a once-a-year outing in December.
Giving something away (19 to 22)
- A donation in their name. Choose a cause they cared about. What's Your Grief and Mayo Clinic both mention giving to a charity in a loved one's name.
- A gift they would have loved, for someone in need. Stand in the store aisle and think about what they'd have pulled off the shelf, then give it through a toy drive, a shelter or a giving tree.
- Volunteering. Serve a meal, wrap gifts, or walk dogs at an animal shelter. Holiday shifts fill quickly, so sign up early.
- Adopting a family. Plenty of community groups match donors with a local family's holiday wish list. Kids can help shop and wrap, and they tend to remember it for years.
For Christmas Day itself (23 to 25)
- Something of theirs to wear. A scarf, a watch, the ugly cardigan. No one else needs to know.
- A drive or walk to see the lights. Head out after dark on Christmas night with a thermos of cocoa. A change of scenery can loosen a heavy evening, and it works for every age.
- A playlist of their songs. Build a playlist of the music they loved, holiday or not, and play it while you cook or clean up. Mix in upbeat favorites so it celebrates them instead of only marking the loss.
If what you need this year is less a tradition and more a way to get through the day, gentle things to do on Christmas when you're grieving might fit better.
Making a new tradition last past the first year
New traditions often fade after year one. Not because they didn't matter, but because December is chaos.
The ones that survive are usually attached to something that already happens. The candle goes on when dinner starts, the letter gets written right after the Christmas Eve service, the book comes out with the pajamas. Put it on the calendar, literally, as a recurring event you add in November. Give someone else a piece of it, so a teenager owns the playlist or a sibling owns the toast; shared ownership keeps a tradition alive in the years you're tired.
Keep the supplies together in one shoebox: the candle, the memory jar, the letters, the ornament hooks. And let it change. A tradition that grows with your family is more likely to last than one that has to be done perfectly.
Some years a tradition will bring tears, and that doesn't mean it failed. Mayo Clinic notes that you can feel sadness and joy at the same time. If one causes more pain than comfort year after year, adjust it or swap it for a gentler one. And if grief ever feels overwhelming or unsafe, call or text 988 in the US to reach the 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline.
Pick one. Put it on the calendar now, while it's still fall, so December doesn't get to decide for you.
Questions people ask
What is a good Christmas tradition to honor someone who died this year?
Something simple and repeatable works best in a first year, when energy is usually low. A memory ornament added to the tree, a candle lit at the start of Christmas dinner, or a short letter written on Christmas Eve are all good choices. Each takes only a few minutes, gives the person a clear place in the season, and can be repeated or adjusted next year.
How do you remember a loved one on Christmas Eve?
Christmas Eve is a good time for a quiet moment before the busy day begins. You could write a letter to the person, light a candle, read a favorite story or poem, make a short toast, or attend a Blue Christmas or candlelight service. Keep it small and personal. Even five minutes of intentional remembering can make the rest of the evening feel lighter.
What are some memorial ornament ideas for a parent who passed away?
Photo ornaments are a popular start, and so are ornaments printed with their handwriting from an old card or recipe. Some families have ornaments sewn from a parent's shirt or scarf. Others choose an ornament tied to a hobby, favorite place or sports team. Ornaments that grandchildren make by hand each year can also become a growing collection that honors a grandparent.
Can a new Christmas tradition be something just for me?
Yes. Private traditions count just as much as shared ones. A solo walk on Christmas morning, a letter you write and keep, or a quiet drive past a place your loved one cared about can protect a little space for grief. Having that private moment can also make it easier to be present with others for the rest of the day.
What new Christmas traditions are easy for grieving families with toddlers?
Toddlers do best with short, sensory traditions they can repeat every year. Coloring pages hung on the tree, baking cookies together, a walk or drive to see Christmas lights, or a hot cocoa toast where everyone says the person's name all work well. Keep each activity brief and cheerful. Repetition matters more than meaning at this age, and the meaning grows as they do.
Is it okay to start a Christmas tradition that has nothing to do with the person who died?
Yes. Not every new tradition has to be a memorial. A new recipe, a pajama movie night, or a holiday outing that is simply fun can be part of building a Christmas that fits your life now. Enjoying something new does not mean you have forgotten the person or loved them any less. New joy is allowed alongside grief.
What is a Blue Christmas or Longest Night service?
Blue Christmas and Longest Night services are quiet church services for people who find the holidays hard, especially those who are grieving. Many are held around the winter solstice, the longest night of the year. They often include soft music, candles, and a chance to remember the people you miss. You usually do not need to be a member of the church to attend.
How do you set a place at the Christmas table for someone who died?
Set the place as you normally would and add a framed photo, a candle, or a small card with their name. Some families leave the chair empty, while others invite a guest who has nowhere else to go. Check with family before Christmas, since some people find an empty place comforting and others find it painful. A smaller gesture can work too.
What can I donate in memory of my mom at Christmas?
Consider giving to a cause she cared about, such as a hospital, animal shelter, library, food bank or church. You could also buy a gift she would have loved and donate it to a toy drive, shelter or giving tree in her name. Small gifts count. The point is to let her values and generosity keep reaching people.
How do I make a Christmas playlist of my dad's songs without falling apart?
Build it in private first, with time to listen and cry if you need to. Expect some songs to hit harder than others, and leave those off for now if they are too much. Mix in upbeat favorites and songs that remind you of happy moments, so the playlist celebrates him rather than only marking the loss. You can change it every year.
What new Christmas traditions can kids lead themselves?
Children can often lead traditions like making an ornament, filling a memory jar, decorating a photo frame, or writing and drawing cards to the person. Grief organizations encourage involving children in holiday plans and asking what matters to them. Giving kids a specific job they own each year helps them feel included and gives them a safe way to express what they feel.
Will my family think a memorial Christmas tradition is morbid?
Some relatives might feel uneasy at first, especially if your family rarely talks about grief. Explain the intention simply: you want a small, warm way to include the person. Keep the tradition light and brief, and invite people to join rather than requiring it. Many families find that once it happens, people appreciate having permission to remember together.
How do I choose between so many Christmas tradition ideas?
Pick the one idea that matches your current energy, not the one you think you should do. Try it for a single year, then decide whether to keep it, change it, or let it go. Traditions are allowed to be experiments. Over time, the ones that feel natural will stay, and the ones that do not will quietly fall away.
Can a Christmas tradition include visiting the cemetery?
Yes. Many families visit the cemetery during the holidays to decorate the grave with a small wreath, ornament or flowers. If you have children, bring them only if they are ready and know what to expect. Pairing the visit with something warm afterward, like hot cocoa or a favorite lunch spot, can help the whole outing feel gentler.
What Christmas tradition can connect my kids to a grandparent through food?
Bake or cook the grandparent's recipe together each year, ideally the same dish on the same day. While it is in the oven, tell one story about them: something funny, something they loved, or how they made this dish. Use their name for the recipe. Over time, kids will associate that smell and taste with a grandparent they may never have met.
Are there Christmas traditions for grieving people who don't celebrate religiously?
Yes. Secular traditions can be just as meaningful. A walk or drive to see Christmas lights, a memory jar, a donation in their name, volunteering, a toast at dinner, or lighting a candle on the winter solstice all work without any religious framework. Choose whatever reflects the person and your family's values. The intention is what gives a tradition meaning.
What do you write in a Christmas letter to someone who died?
There is no right way to write it. Many people share an update on the year, including news the person would have wanted to hear. You can write what you miss, what they would have laughed at, a question you wish you could ask them, or simple thanks. Keep the letters together so you can reread them in future years.
Can a new Christmas tradition work over video with family who live far away?
Yes. A shared toast over video, candles lit at the same time in different homes, or a group reading of a favorite story can connect a family spread across states. Agree on a time in advance and keep it short. Some families also mail the same ornament or recipe to each household so everyone does the tradition together from afar.
What if a new Christmas tradition makes me cry every single year?
Tears are not a sign that the tradition is failing. Holidays can stir grief for years, and crying during a meaningful ritual is common. What matters is whether the tradition also brings some comfort or connection. If distress clearly outweighs comfort over time, adjust it, shorten it, or try a gentler version. If grief ever feels overwhelming, call or text 988 in the US.
How do you keep a new Christmas tradition going when life gets busy?
Anchor it to something that already happens each year, such as lighting the candle when dinner starts or reading the book right after pajamas go on. Put it on the calendar in November, keep the supplies in one box, and give someone in the family the job of starting it. Shared ownership keeps a tradition alive in years when you are tired.
If today feels like too much
You can call or text 988 (the Suicide and Crisis Lifeline, US) any time, day or night. More places to turn, including grief groups and therapists: grief support and crisis resources.
Something gentle for the kidsRally Takes the Train is a hand-painted picture book about a corgi, a dark tunnel, and the people waiting at the end of the line.
Why it was writtenSources
- 64 Tips for Coping with Grief at the Holidays, What's Your Grief
- Grief: Coping with reminders after a loss, Mayo Clinic News Network
- Holiday Tip Sheet and Worksheet, The Dougy Center
- Blue Christmas services allow grief, bring hope, The United Methodist Church
- The impact of continuing bonds following bereavement: A systematic review (Hewson et al., 2023), Aston University
Written by the Rally Takes the Train team for Finding the Light After Loss, a library for adults grieving a mom or dad. General information, not medical or mental health advice. How we write about grief.