Things to Do on Christmas When You're Grieving: 21 Gentle Ideas for a Hard Day
The best things to do on Christmas when you're grieving are small, planned and flexible: a slow breakfast, a walk, a movie, cooking one of your parent's dishes, or a quiet evening with a call to someone you trust. Pick two or three of the 21 ideas below, give the day a loose shape, and leave plenty of room to rest.
Christmas Day is long. When you're grieving, it's somehow the longest day of the year, and by about 2 pm you've eaten, cleaned up, and checked the clock four times.
If you're looking for things to do on Christmas when grieving, you probably don't want a schedule that pretends the sadness isn't there. You want something to do at ten in the morning, and at two, and at seven, so you're not just sitting on the couch waiting for it to be over. Christmas is the heavyweight of the holidays without parents, mostly because of all those empty hours.
So here are 21 small, doable things for the day itself, grouped by how much energy you've got. You don't need to do all of them, or even most. Pick two or three, put them in order, and leave the rest of the day open.
What to do on Christmas when you're grieving: a plan, not a perfect day
Nobody is grading this Christmas. All you're after is a day with enough shape that you're not stuck watching the clock.
A little planning helps more than you'd think. HelpGuide suggests planning ahead for holidays so you are not alone, or marking your loss in a creative way. What's Your Grief makes a related point: the holidays don't have to be perfect, and it's okay to say no to the parts that drain you.
One easy way to set it up is to split the day into morning, afternoon and evening, and give each one anchor activity. The space in between stays open for rest, crying, naps, a second piece of pie, or whatever else shows up.
If what you really want is to skip the whole thing, that's a real choice too. We wrote about when you don't want to celebrate Christmas after a loss.
Quiet things to do at home (ideas 1 to 6)
1. Make a slow breakfast that's just for you
Skip the cinnamon rolls the family always had, unless you genuinely want them. Make something you actually like, eggs the way only you eat them or pancakes from a box, and eat it slowly with music on or a window to look out of. A gentle first hour sets the tone for everything after it.
2. Plan a comfort movie or series marathon
Line up the shows the night before, so you're not scrolling past holiday movies that sting. Pajamas all day counts as a plan.
3. Take a long bath, a nap, or both
Grief wears out your body, not just your heart. The Dougy Center's holiday tip sheet for grieving families reminds families to build in rest, downtime and good food during a season that's exhausting even without a loss.
4. Take on one big cooking or baking project
A slow-simmered sauce, a fussy bread, a batch of cookies for the neighbors who always wave. A project with lots of steps gives your hands something to do and fills an afternoon without much talking.
5. Choose your own soundtrack
Make a playlist of music that feels good right now, and skip the songs that hurt. Some people can't listen to certain carols for a few years. Others want them on repeat. Either one is fine.
6. Put the phone away for set stretches
Social media on Christmas is a wall of matching pajamas and three-generation family photos on the stairs. What's Your Grief lists minimizing phone and social media distractions as one way to stay present. Check in once at a set time, or log off for the day and leave the phone charging in another room.
When you need to get out of the house (ideas 7 to 12)
7. Take a long walk, hike, or trip to the beach
Sometimes you just need to move. Hospice Foundation of America notes that any form of physical exercise can reduce tension, stress and sadness. Early morning or late afternoon is usually quieter, with fewer families out in matching hats.
8. Go to a movie
Plenty of theaters stay open on Christmas Day. A movie gives you two hours of company without conversation, in the dark, where nobody can see your face. Buy tickets ahead, since holiday releases can sell out.
9. Volunteer, if you sign up early
Food banks, shelters and community meal programs often need help over the holidays. A lot of Christmas Day shifts fill up weeks ahead, so call in November or early December rather than the week of.
10. Drive around to see the lights
This works on Christmas Eve or Christmas night. Bring a hot drink, pick the music, and turn around whenever you want. Nobody else gets a vote.
11. Go to a service, or sit somewhere quiet
A Christmas Eve candlelight service can be comforting, even from the back row. Lots of churches also hold Blue Christmas or Longest Night services in the days before Christmas, made for people who are grieving. The holiday grief support roundup explains how to find one, along with helplines and online groups.
12. Eat out, or let someone else cook
Some restaurants and hotels open on Christmas Day, and they often book up, so reserve ahead. Or order food on Christmas Eve and reheat it the next day. No dishes, and no recipe that reminds you of anyone.
Ways to feel close to your mom or dad on Christmas (ideas 13 to 16)
13. Cook one of their dishes
Their stuffing, their fudge, the thing nobody else ever got quite right because they never measured anything. The Dougy Center suggests cooking one of the person's favorite meals, since food can be a great starting point for sharing memories. It doesn't need to taste exactly like theirs.
14. Write them a letter
Writing to someone who died is a common grief practice, and it can say what you didn't get to. If a blank page is too much, start with what you want them to know about this year, or the question you wish you could still ask them. Keep it, burn it safely, or tuck it into a box of their things.
15. Look through photos, or play their music
Set aside 20 minutes with the old photos, home videos or the albums they loved. Doing it on purpose, at a time you choose, can feel better than getting ambushed by a memory in the middle of the afternoon.
16. Light a candle, wear something of theirs, or visit a place that mattered
A memorial candle is one of the rituals the Dougy Center recommends. You could also wear your mom's scarf or your dad's watch, or visit a grave, a beach or the bench where he always ate his sandwich.
What's Your Grief notes that private rituals can be just as healing as big family ones. For ideas that last longer than one day, read about starting new Christmas traditions after a loss.
Things to do with kids when you're grieving (ideas 17 to 19)
17. Let the kids choose one activity
The Dougy Center suggests talking with children about which parts of the holidays matter most to them and making those the priority. Letting them pick one thing, like a game, a walk or a dessert, lightens your load and helps them feel included.
18. Make a memory craft together
Try a paper chain where each link holds a memory of Grandma or Grandpa, or a homemade ornament with their name on it in glitter glue. Kids can draw what they remember, or what they imagine if they never got to meet them.
19. Have a slow story-and-coloring morning
Pajamas, a stack of picture books and a pile of crayons can carry a family through the early hours. A gentle story like Rally Takes the Train, paired with our free Rally coloring pages, gives kids something calm to do while you drink your coffee, hot for once.
For more on keeping some magic alive for your kids while you're hurting, read creating Christmas magic for your kids when your own heart is breaking.
Christmas night and December 26 (ideas 20 to 21)
20. Plan Christmas night before the day starts
After the gathering ends or the last present is open, a lot of people feel a sudden drop, like the floor went out from under the day. Decide ahead of time how the evening goes, maybe a call with one person, a show, a bath, a few lines in a journal and an early night.
21. Keep December 26 gentle, and put something on the calendar for January
A letdown after Christmas is common. Keep the next day easy, with a walk or a visit from a friend who'll bring the coffee. The Dougy Center also suggests planning something to look forward to in January or February that has nothing to do with the holidays.
Every plan works better with a way out
Whatever you pick from this list, give yourself an exit. Having one turns "What if it's too much?" into "Then this is what happens."
Drive yourself, or at least know exactly how you'll get home. Set a time limit before you walk in, like two hours at a family dinner or one act of a play. Tell one ally who can cover for you or come with you. Know where you're going next, even if it's just home to the couch. And have a line ready, so you don't have to come up with one through a lump in your throat:
"It's been a long day, so heading out. Thank you for having us."
If you'll be spending most of the day by yourself, we wrote about spending Christmas alone after losing your parents, with more ideas for structuring those hours.
And if the grief turns into something that feels unbearable, call or text 988, the Suicide and Crisis Lifeline. It's free, confidential and open 24 hours a day, including Christmas.
Somewhere around 9 pm the house goes quiet and the day is just about done. Maybe it went the way you planned and maybe it didn't, but you got from the slow breakfast to here, and tomorrow is only the 26th.
Questions people ask
What can I do on Christmas Day if I'm grieving and want to stay busy?
Plan the day in blocks and give each block one structured activity. Good options include a long walk or hike, a volunteer shift you signed up for weeks ahead, a big cooking or baking project, or a movie in a theater. Busy plans work best when they have a clear start and end, with some open time in between for rest or for feelings that come up.
What are low-energy things to do on Christmas when grief has wiped you out?
Choose rest-friendly activities that ask very little of you. A nap, a comfort movie, a long bath, a short drive to see lights, ordering food you love, or calling one person are all enough. Grief is physically tiring, and the holidays add more. A quiet, low-energy day is a reasonable plan, not a failure to celebrate properly.
Is it okay to go to the movies on Christmas Day when you're grieving?
Yes. A movie can be one of the easiest things to do on a hard Christmas. It gives you company without conversation, a clear start and end time, and a couple of hours focused on something else. Many theaters stay open on Christmas Day. Buy tickets ahead, since holiday releases can sell out, and choose a film that will not hit too close to home.
Where can I volunteer on Christmas Day, and do I need to sign up early?
Food banks, homeless shelters, community meal programs and some senior centers often need help over the holidays. Yes, you usually need to sign up early. Many Christmas Day shifts fill weeks in advance, so call or check in November or early December. If shifts are full, ask about the days before or after Christmas, which are often less crowded but just as needed.
What can I do on Christmas morning when the house feels too quiet?
Fill the morning with sound and gentle movement. Put on music you chose ahead of time, step outside for a walk, call someone early, or start a simple breakfast ritual like pancakes or a special coffee. Opening the curtains and getting dressed can help too. The goal is to get through the first quiet hours with a little structure instead of sitting and waiting.
What are good things to do on Christmas Eve when you're grieving?
Christmas Eve can be a good time for something quiet and meaningful. You might attend a candlelight service, drive around to see the lights, have a small dinner with one or two people, or write a note to the person you are missing. Some people also cook or order food for the next day, which makes Christmas itself easier.
Is it okay to travel somewhere over Christmas to get away from grief?
Yes. A change of scene helps some grieving people, especially when home is full of reminders. Just know that grief tends to come along, so a trip may not feel as freeing as hoped. Plan some quiet time while away, keep the itinerary light, and consider marking the day in a small way, such as a walk by the water or a quiet moment with a photo.
What can I do with my kids on Christmas that doesn't feel forced when I'm sad?
Pick simple shared activities that do not require you to perform cheerfulness. Baking cookies, a walk to look at decorations, a craft, a board game or a movie on the couch let kids have fun while you stay present. You do not have to hide every feeling. Children usually care more about your company and a few favorite moments than about a packed schedule.
Can I let my kids plan some of the Christmas Day activities this year?
Yes, and it often helps everyone. Giving children age-appropriate choices, such as picking the breakfast, the movie or the afternoon game, lightens your mental load and helps them feel included in a hard season. Offer two or three options for younger kids. Older kids and teens may enjoy planning a whole part of the day, which can give them a sense of purpose.
What outdoor things can I do on Christmas when I'm grieving?
Walks, hikes, beach or park time, and bike rides are all good choices. Physical activity can ease tension and stress, and being outside gives you a break from indoor reminders. Go early in the morning or late in the afternoon if you want fewer crowds. Bring a friend if you want company, or go alone if you need quiet thinking time.
What should I do on Christmas night after everyone goes home?
Expect a drop in mood and plan for it. Decide ahead of time how the evening will go: a call with someone who understands, a favorite show, a bath, a few minutes of journaling, and an early night. Leaving cleanup for the morning is fine. Having the evening mapped out keeps the quiet hours from feeling empty or endless.
Is it okay to spend Christmas Day in pajamas watching TV when you're grieving?
Yes. Rest is a legitimate plan, and a quiet day at home can be exactly what you need this year. Choose your shows ahead of time so you are not ambushed by sad holiday movies, keep easy food on hand, and check in with one person by text or phone. A low-key Christmas now does not decide what future Christmases look like.
What can I do on Christmas if I'm spending it with my partner's family while grieving?
Talk with your partner beforehand and agree on a few things: how long you will stay, a signal for when you need a break, and permission to step outside. Plan one private moment for remembering your parent, like a short walk or a quiet minute with a photo. Keeping the visit to a realistic length protects both your energy and the relationship.
Are restaurants open on Christmas Day for people who don't want to cook?
Some are. Hotel restaurants and a number of independent restaurants open on Christmas Day, and some offer special holiday menus. They often book up, so make a reservation well ahead. Another easy option is to order takeout on Christmas Eve and reheat it the next day. Not cooking is a perfectly good way to take care of yourself this year.
What can I do on Christmas to feel close to my parent who died?
Choose one or two small rituals. Play their favorite music, cook a dish they loved, look through photos or home videos, wear something of theirs, light a candle, or visit a place that mattered to them. Doing these things on purpose, at a time you choose, can feel more comforting than being caught off guard by a memory in the middle of the day.
Should I write a letter to my mom or dad on Christmas?
Many people find it helpful. Writing to someone who died is a common grief practice that gives your thoughts somewhere to go. Try prompts like what happened this year, what you miss most, or what you wish you could ask them. Afterward, you can keep the letter, read it at their grave, tuck it in a box of keepsakes, or start a yearly tradition.
How do I plan an exit if a Christmas activity becomes too much?
Set it up before you arrive. Drive yourself or know how you will get home, decide on a time limit, and tell one ally who can cover for you. Have a short line ready, such as saying it has been a long day and you are heading out. When leaving is already part of the plan, it feels calm and normal instead of sudden.
Is it okay to make plans for only part of Christmas Day and leave the rest open?
Yes. A half-planned day is a good fit for many grieving people. One or two anchors, such as a morning walk and an afternoon movie, give the day structure, while open time leaves room for rest and for feelings as they come. You can always add something later if the open hours start to feel too long.
What are free things to do on Christmas when you're grieving?
Plenty of good options cost nothing. Take a walk, drive or stroll through a neighborhood to see lights, watch movies borrowed from the library, write in a journal, call or video chat with family or friends, visit a grave or the beach, or attend a church service. A thermos of cocoa and a quiet park bench can be enough.
What can I do on December 26 when the grief crash hits?
Expect a letdown and keep the day gentle. Plan something small and easy, such as a walk, a visit with a friend, or a favorite movie, and do not schedule chores or big errands. Put something on the calendar for January or February that has nothing to do with the holidays. Having something ahead to look forward to can soften the crash.
If today feels like too much
You can call or text 988 (the Suicide and Crisis Lifeline, US) any time, day or night. More places to turn, including grief groups and therapists: grief support and crisis resources.
Something gentle for the kidsRally Takes the Train is a hand-painted picture book about a corgi, a dark tunnel, and the people waiting at the end of the line.
Why it was writtenSources
- Coping with Grief and Loss, HelpGuide.org
- 7 Ways to Go Easy on Yourself While Grieving at the Holidays, What's Your Grief
- Tips for Getting Through the Holidays (Holiday Tip Sheet and Worksheet), Dougy Center
- 8 Tips for Remaining Present at the Holidays (While Grieving), What's Your Grief
- When You Are Grieving, Hospice Foundation of America
- 988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline
Written by the Rally Takes the Train team for Finding the Light After Loss, a library for adults grieving a mom or dad. General information, not medical or mental health advice. How we write about grief.